Well so far Ameren IP has not shut off my power, but I don't see anywhere in the near future that I will get the money to pay it off.

Everyday my anxiety levels are so high because I am tired of bill collectors calling me and all they do ask what I can do TODAY to take care of this.  Ummm Nothing.  I have exactly .65 in my pocket and I do not get paid until the 18th. 

I do not even know how I will get to work tomorrow.  I am thankful that I do have a job and it should be good enough to pay all my normal bills.  But from everything that has gone on in the last 6 months I am feeling the sense of defeat.

He successfully runined everything that I have worked for the last 10 years.  Why ?  I loved him and I trusted him. 

How do you recover ? 

As you can tell I am feeling very down today - sorry.  I thought I was stronger than this.

Wings

Thank you for your words of wisdom and support.  I have always felt like a survivor but I am so mentally spent right now.  My power has not been shut off yet but I needed to pay it by tomorrow and I will not have the money. 

I get paid tomorrow but my check is going to have to go for rent and my daughter has another counselor appointment too.

My father was just diagnosed with congestive heart fairure and Tuesday I sat in the emergency room with my mother until 2am.  They are both doing better and I feel like things are looking up, but it has really been hard.

Thanks for everything

Natalie

Thank you so much !!!!  I need these prayers.  I am glad that I do not drink alcohol or use drugs because emotionally this could have taken my life.  I love my children and I know that all these things are only going to make us stronger people, but right now it is the worst thing that I have ever had to go through.

 Natalie

Wow - I am glad I found this site.  I was beginning to think that I was the only one tha had the feeling of being in "Hell".  I will try to make this brief.  When my 19 year old son decided that he wanted to move home and go to college I was estatic.  He had been headed down the wrong path several years ago and decided to move out at 17.  I knew that he was smart and eventually would get his head on straight.

 But that decision has changed my whole life.  My husband "not my son's father", said that he could not move in with us and in fact that he would not be able to ever step foot in the house again.  So....... What would any mother do ?

 In the last 4 months.... 

1) I have gotten divorced from a 10 year marraige.  That I thought was good.

2) Moved from a home that I had built 3 years ago after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We moved with our clothes and air mattresses. Nothing that that was in my old house could fit in a small apartment.

3) My 19 year old son entered rehab (Which has turned out to be a GREAT thing). But he is now living in a sober living facility and his income is going to pay his rent & food.

4) My 15 year old daughter has an emotional breakdown and was hospitalized.

5) ***** Removed for safety reasons ******

6) Just when I thought things were looking up I was robbed.  While my daughter and I were in the apartment.

How much can 1 person take !!!!!!!  It has been so emotionally & finacially draining.  I have had so many medical bills that I am behind in everything else.  If I do not come up with 725.00 for power by Friday we will now be living in the dark.

I do not know what to do. I have never been put in this position before.  We are eating Ramen Noodles for dinner and when there is a birthday party at work that is when I get to have some lunch. And I am worried that all this stress will hurt my health.  I am so far a survivor of cancer and hope to remain so, but I am still worried.

If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it or at least keep me in your prayers !!!!! 

Natalie